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"You Might Be An Engineer If ..." Jokes

You Might Be An Engineer If ...

  • You wear black socks with tennis shoes (or vice versa).
  • Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
  • You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.
  • You forget to get a haircut ... for 6 months.
  • You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
  • You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
  • Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
  • You've actually used every single function on your calculator.
  • It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
  • You post Dilbert strips in your office.
  • You don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
  • Your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor".
  • Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets.
  • The first thing you do with new electronic gadgets is take them apart to see what's inside.
  • You ask for computer books for Christmas.
  • You're in the hospital and are tempted to take apart the monitoring equipment to see what's inside.
  • People hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween.
  • Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.
  • You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
  • Your wife said "either she or the computer had to go" ... and you still don't miss her.
  • You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
  • You have automated everything in your house, but none of it meets the National Electrical Code.
  • Your spouse keeps tripping over the wire you strung -- temporarily -- three years ago.
  • You can name all the cards in your PC without looking.
  • You have at least one historical computer in your closet.
  • You always have to explain things by drawing it out on paper or a napkin.
  • You've ever owned a calculator watch.
  • You take your laptop on vacation.
  • You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
  • You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment.
  • Everyone else on the cruise ship is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
  • You dream in C.
  • You turn off your computer and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  • All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  • At the local Radio Shack, you're greeted like Norm at Cheers.
  • All you sentences begin with "what if?"
  • You remember a dozen passwords and have ten e-mail accounts, but you have to call your niece "kiddo".
  • You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  • You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  • Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  • You use a pocket calculator to divide the bill at a restaurant.
  • Your favorite TV program is "Bill Nye the Science Guy".
  • You talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Superbowl.

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